The Worth of Beans

Everyone knows Jack's story- how he traded the family cow for some magic beans, and they grew into a stalk that carried him to the cloud kingdom and riches and gianticide. But did you ever stop to think about the hidden half of that story? Of who the peddler was with such incredible wares, and of what happened to the family cow?

The peddler, as it happened, was something of an alchemist- that is, a man obsessed with the changing of the essence of things. He had imbued beans with the essence of a ladder, and was quite pleased with the results- although a bit taken aback at the size. The day he met Jack he was actually in the market for an apprentice- and I hope you will not think too poorly of Jack when I say that, between the two, the old alchemist preferred the look of the cow. Let us tell ourselves it is because he could not be certain the cow would carry home the payment of ladder-beans. (Whatever else he may have been, the alchemist was very honest.)

So he brought the cow home, and a few experiments (and only two explosions) later, he transformed her into a middle-aged human woman with beautiful brown eyes and the longest lashes the land had ever seen. The alchemist did not notice that so much, however- mostly he was concerned with her ability to fetch, carry, and measure properly.

Bovinouveau (so dubbed by the alchemist and his rather dubious sense of humor) was quite capable of all these tasks. Moreover she had a calm, patient temperament, and a surprisingly quick mind. She watched carefully everything her Master did, and in time she began little experiments of her own in her spare time. Generally they were of a more practical bent than imbuing beans with ladders (for instance, she imbued a hen with a rabbit to up its laying capabilities) but they also tended to be more consistently successful.

Years passed, and the old alchemist eventually promoted Bovinouveau to journeywoman, and finally the time came for her to produce her own Master work (never mind that it was her work that now brought in the majority of their wealth). The old alchemist was adamant that Bovinouveau produce, as he called it, a "true work of art". He wanted her to prove that she understood the soul of alchemy. And so, with a sigh, Bovinouveau set about crafting the most impractical thing she could think of.

Seven days into the seventh month after she had begun, Bovinouveau presented her Master with seven silvery beans. The old alchemist raised his shaggy brows at her, and she smiled sweetly.

"I was inspired by the day we met, Master."

"Humph," he said, and went to plant one- but Bovinouveau laid a gentle but restraining hand on his arm.

"I think maybe you'd better plant it somewhere with a little more room. Well away from town, I would say. At least seventy-seven leagues."

So the two of them packed up provisions and set out for the middle of nowhere. Finally they came to the edge of a huge lake and Bovinouveau nodded.

"This should be fine."

So the old alchemist, who was beginning to think maybe he should have let Bovinouveau slide with another practical experiment, gingerly planted a bean...

(The City in the Bean)