This Will Possibly Bore the Crap Out of You

Here is a Thing you may not know about me: I love perfume.

Oh yes, it's true. Miser that I typically am (who really needs new clothes every year? or even three?) I am willing to spend a decent sum on perfume (although I do not believe perfume must be expensive to be good). It is one of my luxuries. I try to change my perfume on a semi-regular basis (about once a year) because I purposefully use it to create scent-triggered memories. In other words, I deliberately tie different scents to different seasons in my life. Would you like some examples? Sure you would.

Elizabeth Arden's Sunflowers: freshman year of high school

Bonne Bell's Flirty (un-linkable, because it's been out of production for years): partying in college

Escada's Sexy Grafitti: Adam and Tacoma in the summertime

DKNY's Be Delicious: Katie's first visit to Portland

Demeter Fragrance's Gin and Tonic: Karaoke with JoeSeph

Este Lauder's Pleasures Delight: my "year and a day" experiment with Nathan

There have been many others, of course, but that's a nice overview of the past fifteen years. And now we come to the most recent scent, Este Lauder's Bronze Goddess, which I have been wearing since the day of my wedding, and am now ready to put into semi-retirement so that in the future when I smell it, it will take me back to my newlywed days (I suspect it will take me specifically back to my honeymoon, but we'll have to see...). Anyway, the point is that it is past time for a new perfume, so I've begun the arduous job of hunting for it.

On the one hand I know enough about my likes to help narrow it down- I basically do not do musk, period. Florals (unless light) don't particularly do it for me, nor do grassy scents. Orientals are generally a good bet, and citrus notes practically guarantee a winner. I seem to be particularly drawn to bergamont, for some reason... But on the other hand, I also like the quirky and unexpected (helloooo gin-and-tonic); it's a safe bet that if it smells too "perfume-y" I will be repelled.

So where does that leave us? Well, still hunting. So the other day I did something semi-dangerous that I've wanted to do for a long time: ordered perfume from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab. Why dangerous? Because over the internet, no one can hear you scr- no, wait, that's not it. Oh, right- no one can smell you. And you can't smell them. So basically I was purchasing perfume on faith in the (admittedly well-written) descriptions. Now, lest you think me entirely fool-hardy, let me rush to reassure you that I didn't order a whole bottle's worth of anything; I ordered a handful of tiny samples.

Said samples arrived today:

O (The scent of sexual obsession, slavery to sensual pleasure, and the undercurrent of innocence defiled utterly. Amber and honey with a touch of vanilla.)

Lolita (Bright, sweet and youthful, but swelling with a poisonous sexuality. Glittering heliotrope, honeysuckle, orange blossom and lemon verbena.)

Schrodinger's Cat (A paradoxical scent experiment! - tangerine, sugared lime, pink grapefruit, oakmoss, lavender, zdravetz, and chocolate peppermint.)

Shanghai (The crisp, clean scent of green tea touched with lemon verbena and honeysuckle.)

Undertow (The Dark Side of Water: clean and purifying, yet menacing -- lotus and juniper with a hint of mint. A scent dragged up from the depths to the Stygian shore )

Wolf's Heart (Grants courage under extreme conditions, helps overcome fear of death, and strengthens the fortitude of artists and businessmen, enabling them to further their goals.).

Plus two more that I didn't order but that they were sweet enough to throw in for free:

Black Lotus (Born in the shadows of a Temple to Set, this corrupted Egyptian scent evokes images of black pyramids, river demons, and bleak, deadly desert sands. Black lotus flower, amber, myrrh and sandalwood.)

Tombstone (A celebration of one of the first commercially produced perfumes of America's Old West. A rugged, warm blend of vanilla, balsam and sassafras layered over Virginia cedar.).

Now, as you may or may not know, you can't just sniff a perfume and decide yay or nay. Perfume reacts differently to everyone's skin, so you must put it on your own skin to see how it reacts (for instance- my mother also wears the afore-mentioned Pleasures Delight, but it smells totally different on her). And not only do you have to put it on your own skin, but you also have to wait a few hours, sniffing periodically, because the scent will change as your skin warms it and the base notes begin to come out. Which is why I know that although smelling Undertow directly from the vial almost made me gag, the longer it was on my skin the more intoxicating it became. And yet Lolita, which I initially loved, enamored me less and less as the day passed.

The jury is still out on whether or not I'll actually purchase a full-sized bottle of any of these. To tell the truth I think they are all too strong for me, which means that even if I do I'll need to cut it with alcohol. But we shall see... and anyway, I guess I could always order more samples...