I AM GOING TO TALK ABOUT UNPLEASANT BODILY FUNCTIONS OF A SPECIFICALLY FEMALE NATURE.
If you are uncomfortable reading about such topics, or reading about them as they apply to me in specific, then I recommend you look at the comic and then bug out. You've been warned, and I therefore do not want to hear any griping.
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The post-Crossfit shower is a wonderful thing:
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| Nothing quite like hot water on sore muscles. |
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| Nothing quite like hot water on freshly torn calluses, either. |
So there's your comic. And now here's the in-depth discussion of today's WOD (and the aftermath thereof).
WOD:
18 minutes total
100m Prowler Push (90/50#)
Back Extensions
Monkey Bars
Airdyne (Calories)
Kettlebell Hoist
AMRAP in the time it takes for the prowler push. Rotate stations each time the prowler comes back in. Keep track of total reps.
But before we did the WOD, we did our warmup, and that's when I knew I was going to be in trouble. There are certain times when, for whatever reason, cardio makes my uterus turn into a murderous rage-beast-of-death-cramps. And I don't mean extended or hard cardio- I mean any cardio. I've been paying attention to it for the past few months and I think it's only happening around ovulation, but damned if I know what the connection there is. Anyway, after doing 200m on the erg I started to feel the rumble of warning cramps, and knew it was going to be one of those workouts where I spent half an hour rolling around on the floor afterwards trying to recover. But I also knew I could deal with it- because I have in the past and I'm sure I will again in the future.
We were supposed to team up with a partner of the opposite gender, so I sidled up to one of the new guys. He apologized in advance, saying he's only been doing it for a week, so he was probably going to not be the best. I reassured him that I've been doing it for several months and I still feel that way. Honestly I thought we were a well-matched team- anyway he didn't drag me down...
We started out on back extensions, which was great because I kick ass at those, and it gave us a chance to sort of pad ourselves for the rest of it. By the time we got to our turn pushing the prowler I was feeling pretty damn good- in that sweaty-tired-workout way. I took off down the parking lot with my prowler at a push-run, and thinking I was surprised at how light and easy to push it was. But then about 25m from the end I suddenly lost it- the prowler got heavy, and I was pushing with a walk, not a run. And then it was back onto back extensions, where I was definitely not going so fast. Monkey bars made me feel like I was going to die, and when we climbed back onto the airdynes I was hurting so badly that I only burned three calories (I'd gotten eleven in the previous round). As for the kettlebell hoist? I spent much of that just clinging desperately to the rope in a doubled-over position, trying not to drop the damn thing.
Then came the prowler, and it was definitely a walk-push the entire way- but I didn't let myself stop, so at least I had that to comfort my ego. Unfortunately I'd gotten it into my head that we were only doing two rounds (as opposed to a set time of 18 minutes) so when Jack yelled "Switch!" as my partner and I shoved our prowlers back into position I responded (out loud, sadly) "Are you freaking kidding me?". So more miserable, trying-not-to-puke back extensions, and one last slog across the monkey bars, and then Jack finally called time, and I hobbled over to the corner to get an abmat (I've found it helps me deal with the pain if I really stretch out my abs), then collapsed.
I did, indeed, roll around for about half an hour gritting my way through the pain- Aubrey came to check on me, even, and I assured her that I would be alright eventually. Once I could stand it, I crawled into the bathroom, where my stupid devil uterus proceeded to cough up an alarming amount of blood. Any shame I might have been feeling about my being a "sissy" abruptly disappeared, because I had tangible evidence that the pain was 100% physical reaction, and not a psychosomatic "I don't want to push harder!" response.
I'm not sure what it is that causes my uterus to go into contractions like that (because that's what uterine cramps are, you know- ), and why it only seems to happen mid-cycle, but I would very much like for it to stop. I've tried different things- taking pain-killers ahead of time, being super-hydrated, doing stretches- and as far as I can tell I have absolutely zero control over it. It makes me worry, too, about the likelihood of miscarriages if I ever get pregnant. And can I just say, if labor is worse than what I experience during this business, I don't know if I'll be able to handle labor. Because damn.
(Oh, and in case you were wondering, my partner and I made a perfectly respectable showing in spite of my body spazzing out. Yay us!)
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