Hard Reset: Day Six (or: Willfully Blowing It)

One thing I forgot to confess yesterday was that I ate a handful of dried strawberries before I glanced at the ingredients label and realized they had cane sugar added to them.  I exercised an amazing amount of willpower and did not eat a single follow-up berry, even tho' the bag sat in my lap for the rest of the (twenty-minute) ride home.  I felt annoyed that I'd screwed up, but virtuous for resisting further temptation (because guys- I love dried strawberries).

But today?  Today virtue left the house entirely.

(And I am, of course, paying the sad-tummy price even as we speak.)

I avoided those damn strawberries for most of the day, but finally this afternoon I just got weak.  I ate one.  And then two.  And then... well, I didn't finish off the bag, but only because I didn't want to see the look on my husband's face when he discovered it missing.

That would have been bad enough- but then we had friends over for dinner, and special coconut-milk-no-sugar-added ice cream was brought over for me.  And let me be clear- my sweet friend said, "Take a look at this and see if you can eat it now- and if not you can keep it and eat it when your month is over!" thereby relieving me of any obligation/guilt.  So I should have just said, "Thanks that's really sweet!  I'll just eat these fresh strawberries you also brought me, and indulge in this stuff later!"

But do you know what I did instead?  I looked at that ingredient list, and even tho' there wasn't technically anything on my "no" list, I knew in my gut I shouldn't eat it- but I did it anyway because I'd already had the strawberries.  And that ice cream was delicious.  So delicious that later in the evening I had a little more because hey- already damned, might as well do a good job of it, right?

(This is exactly the weak-willed-excuse-making that got me into trouble with the strawberry milkshakes...)

So now I feel kind of ill, but more than that I feel unhappy with myself for being weak.  And it just goes to show that when I say my limit is access (as in, I'm fine as long as it's not in the house), my limit is access.  If I had just had Nathan eat those strawberries, or hide them (or even throw them out, much as it pains my miserly soul) as soon as I discovered their naughty-nature, I wouldn't have gone hunting for them- I wouldn't even have thought about them.  But every time I opened the cabinet, there they were, staring at me all full of tastiness, and finally I just got tired of saying no.  I wish I was a better person than that, but I'm not.  At least I can be a smarter person, and avoid the situations I know are going to be my downfall.

(I just asked Nathan to hide the rest of the strawberries- and also the chocolate that he brought home.  I mean really.)

So there's my full confession, and my pledge to do better going forward.  Not that it makes a difference to you, but it's important to me that I take responsibility for my actions.

And now that we're done with that, have an amusing illustration of me being shamed by the spontaneous industry of a nine-year-old:

Hey, at least I held open the back gate for him to haul it all out to the yard debris bin...

Yep, our friends brought over their son, and when he saw the (weed-choked) state of my gardens, he took it upon himself to clear them out.  It was the most amazing thing.  So now of course I'll have to get in there and work tomorrow afternoon because I can't let his valiant efforts go to waste!