Dear Me

Amalia sat, as she always did, at the far edge of the far table of the lunch room.  And, as she always did, she sat alone.

She was never quite certain if she was isolated because the other children didn't like her, or because she didn't like them.  Probably a mixture, if she was honest with herself.  And if she was really honest with herself, there was probably some pride involved, too.  Reaching out brought with it the chance of rejection, and she certainly wasn't going to bother reaching out to people who would reject her.

She eyed her plain black lunch bag with resignation.  She knew exactly what it held, because it held what she always packed: an almond-butter-and-honey sandwich, a small baggie of baby carrots, an apple, and a glass bottle filled with tap water.  Sometimes the apple was red, and sometimes it was green.  But other than that things stayed as they always did.

She opened the bag and reached in for the water-bottle- but her fingers closed on nothing.  Frowning, she groped further in, until her fingers brushed the bottom of the bag.  Empty.  She pulled the bag towards her and glared into its depths.  Had someone stolen her lunch as a prank?  But how could they have-

The bag wasn't quite empty, after all.  A small, neatly folded sheet of paper lay tucked into one corner.  A ransom note?  Amalia grabbed it between her fingertips, frown deepening into a scowl.  Should she even bother reading it?  Or should she just throw it out, to keep from giving the perpetrator any satisfaction?

In the end curiosity won out, and she unfolded the paper.  It was pale green, her favorite color, which only made her more angry.  The message took up half the page, but before she even read them she was struck by how similar the handwriting was to her own.

In fact, it was exactly like her own, when she took her time and wrote neatly.

Amalia felt a chill go down her spine.  Wasn't handwriting supposed to be unique?  She glanced at the signature, but it wasn't a name: it only said "You", and so she started from the beginning.

"Dear Me,

I'm sorry about taking our lunch, but let's face it, it was the same boring thing we always have, and I needed to get your attention somehow.  Plus it gives you the perfect excuse to go talk to Melissa.  Her mom always packs her too much food.  Trust me- I have your- our- best interests at heart, and Melissa is the key to everything.  Go talk to her!

Good luck!

You"

Amalia re-read the note, and then re-read it a second and third time.  It stubbornly refused to make any sense whatsoever.  Who thought she'd be dumb enough to believe there was a note from herself that she didn't remember writing?  She sat back in consternation, then glanced over at the table where Melissa sat, laughing with a few other kids.  Melissa wasn't exactly one of the Popular Kids, but nobody really seemed to actively dislike her, either.  She didn't seem like the sort to play a prank like this.  And she did seem to have a lot of food on her plate.

Amalia sucked in a deep breath.  What should she do?  She was hungry.  And, more importantly, she was intrigued.

Caryatid

nothing good comes quickly

(i have nothing but quick moments
these days)

of course
taking too long to begin
can lead to nothing at all

this is what i tell myself
as i sit
staring
at this unbroken field of white

i long for something wonderful
(i long for anything at all)
to issue forth from my fingers
from my soul

i dig in deeper
trying to throw off the block
that's weighing down
my unresponsive muse

Bright Copper Kettles and Warm Woolen Mittens

Not only are these a few of my favorite things, they also make appropriate gifts for the seventh wedding anniversary!  Woo!

It was perhaps our most low-key anniversary yet, although that's partially because going to Silver State Falls was probably our actual anniversary "thing".  Today we settled for gift-exchange in the morning (bright copper necklace and warm woolen gloves, actually) and take-out from our favorite Thai place after work, eaten while curled up on the couch with our favorite Little Gentleman.

All in all, a damn good way to celebrate the day we established our household.

Karial 01

I'm playing a writing-game with a friend, and it's my turn.  I've decided to share my entries on the blog, because it's basically a two-fer, as far as writing goes.  (His character is reading a translation of what my character has written- hence the few words that are not-certain.)

***

Past

I begin my chronicle as the Ancients require, with the Song of Ancestry:

I am Karial, begat of Sarial, begat of Saria, begat of Naria, begat of Narial, begat of Larial, begat of Larian, begat of Lanian, begat of Ranian, begat of Rania, begat of Ania, begat of Nia, begat of Nian, begat of Enian, begat of Inian, begat of Kinian,begat of Kanian, begat of Kanial, begat of Anial begat of the Stars Themselves.

I come as my mothers taught me, humble before the gods in my role as their handmaiden, honored to have been chosen as the Rift Priestess.  May I do Their will and none other.

Rift Priestess.  Did I ever imagine I might one day take up this infamous post, the one the initiates call Lonely Guardian in such hushed tones, torn between intrigue and horror?  Because it is lonely here, so far from my sisters in the the teeming city.  So far from any scrap of civilization save my own thoughts, hearing no voices but the singing of the distant [animals?].  I find I do not mind the solitude, however- at least not yet.  It has been less than a [unit of time?] since I arrived, so perhaps the reality of my ‘banishment’, as Winial called it, has not yet had time to take root.

But I do not feel banished.  I feel… right here, as though this is what I was always meant for, as though my whole life was spent waiting to come home, home to the graceful pillars and soaring archways of this enormous, echoing temple.  Further proof, I suppose, that the elders know more of our true spirits than we do ourselves.

An Afternoon With My Self (and also a Friend)

I pedaled on down to the Source this afternoon to get my climb on with my buddy JT.  Not that I can climb particularly hard at the moment, but I did well enough on slab (screaming feet notwithstanding) to feel good about myself.  In fact, we had such a good time that, once we'd both worn ourselves out (entirely too quickly- pesky Real Life getting in the way of regular climbing), I suggested we saunter over to my favorite bar for an afternoon libation.

This is weirdly reminiscent of what it looks like when I stand next to Nathan.  Except I'm shorter.

It had been a long-ass time since I'd been out for a drink with a friend (let alone a spontaneous one!), and I reveled in the freedom of it all- the leisurely cycling, the challenging climbing, the carefree walking, and the raucous(ish) drinking- and none of it with a "gotta get back!" time crunch.  It was amazing, and so freaking healthy for my psyche that you guys don't even know.  Especially coming on the heels of yesterday's glorious hike.

Once I got home I washed the car, then took Neeps for today's walk, during which ]my mom and I had our latest Mother Daughter Book Re-Reading Club Discussion (Dragonquest, for the curious).  At the end of the day, as I catch up on the blog, I find I am left feeling like maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to find true Balance between Self as Parent, Self as Self.

Fingers crossed!

Falling Silver

We've wanted to hike at Silver Falls State Park for a number of years, now- Nathan even attempted it one day when I was otherwise occupied, only he made the mistake of bringing Isis along, and as it turns out, dogs aren't allowed on the trail (not that this seems to stop people- but we're actually responsible dog owners).  Anyway, we decided that for our April Family Hike, the time had at last come to make our dream a reality!  (and Princess Pig got to spend the day on the couch: win-win)

South Falls started our loop off right!

And from the other side!

Basically there were a LOT of waterfalls, you guys.

Double Falls

 At about 4.5 miles into our hike, Malachi decided he needed a snack (and so did we), so I obliged.  After all, I'd already learned that nothing beats nursing in the forest-

...unless it's nursing in a forest with a freaking WATER FALL TO GAZE AT.

We had planned to do five miles, yet somehow ended up doing a little over eight- but that's okay, because it gives me a nice fat cushion for this month's Hike It Baby 30 challenge!

Great Grainy Granola, Batman!

Back when people were still giving me food because I'd recently squeezed a human out of an orifice no bigger than- well, a seven pound baby, apparently- one particular friend brought me the most amazing granola bars.  They were perfect for a new mother: dense in calories and easy to eat one-handed at 0300 during yet another session of breast-feeding.  Plus they were delicious.  I went through them more quickly than I'd have liked, and before too long I was begging her for the recipe so I could make my own.

She pointed me towards Smitten Kitchen, I immediately got to mixin', and was soon rewarded with a brand new (double) batch.  Hooray!

But as we all know, I like to tweak and fiddle with recipes to better suit my personal tastes, and soon I was tweaking and fiddling away at this one.  I won't bore you with all the iterations it's gone through, but I will share with you today's version, which is not quite there in my estimation, but at least has the proper fruit-to-chocolate ratio I was craving:

mmm, millet seed

Dry Ingredients:
2.5 c. rolled oats
1/2 c. oat flour
1.5 c. shredded coconut
2/3 c. uncooked millet
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. cardamom
1 c. dried blueberries
1.5 c. craisins
3/4 c. dark chocolate chips

Wet Ingredients: 
1/2 c. sunflower seed butter
1/2 c. coconut oil warmed to liquid
1/2 c. honey

Heat Oven to 350

Line 9"x13" pan with parchment paper

In large bowl, combine dry ingredients.  In small bowl, whisk wet ingredients together until smooth.  Pour wet into dry, and stir until combined.

Transfer mixture to prepared pan and spread evenly, then cover with parchment paper and use heavy book (and heavy husbeast, if handy) to press until it can be compressed no more.

Bake 30-40 minutes until top is golden and edges light brown.  Let cool completely (this takes near an hour) before cutting, or it will crumble.

Store in air-tight container, if it lasts that long.

I'm not totally sold on using sun-butter (mostly due to the sugar content), but I also wasn't sold on purely almond butter (mostly due to the fact that too much almond = sad times for my belly).  The best results I've gotten was doing half sun-butter and half almond-butter-sweetened-with-maple-syrup, but I think for my next batch I'm going to go with straight up tahini, to see how that goes.  I may still end up doing a blend in the end, but we'll see.

Whee!  Experimentation can be both fun and delicious!