Mindful Parenting

I met up with JT to do a little bit of climbing today, which was fine.  I miss being strong and supple, but the only one keeping me from that is myself, so let's move right along to the better part of the afternoon, which was the two of us sitting in one of my favorite pubs, having a drink (and nachos) and talking about our lives.

In specific we were talking about Mindful Parenting: ie, the need to actually think about what you're doing with your child, to ensure that you're modeling not just the behavior you want them to emulate (difficult enough in and of itself) but also the sorts of behavior that you want them to find acceptable towards them. 

See, JT is the father of a seven-year-old daughter, and recently he's had to change the way he handles photos.  As in, if she says, "I don't want my photo taken," he won't take her photo.  If she says, "I don't like that photo: delete it," he deletes it.  If she says, "Don't post that photo," he doesn't post it.

"In other words," I said, "You're treating her with the respect due an autonomous human."

"Well yeah," he said.  "Because I don't want her thinking, 'Well it's okay for someone to disrespect my wishes if they love me,'  If someone wants her to take nude photos and she doesn't want to, I want her to be used to people respecting and abiding by her decisions regarding herself.  And I want her to be not-okay with anyone who doesn't."

Here's to the next generation, folks: may this shit come so naturally to them that they don't have to think about it.

An Afternoon With My Self (and also a Friend)

I pedaled on down to the Source this afternoon to get my climb on with my buddy JT.  Not that I can climb particularly hard at the moment, but I did well enough on slab (screaming feet notwithstanding) to feel good about myself.  In fact, we had such a good time that, once we'd both worn ourselves out (entirely too quickly- pesky Real Life getting in the way of regular climbing), I suggested we saunter over to my favorite bar for an afternoon libation.

This is weirdly reminiscent of what it looks like when I stand next to Nathan.  Except I'm shorter.

It had been a long-ass time since I'd been out for a drink with a friend (let alone a spontaneous one!), and I reveled in the freedom of it all- the leisurely cycling, the challenging climbing, the carefree walking, and the raucous(ish) drinking- and none of it with a "gotta get back!" time crunch.  It was amazing, and so freaking healthy for my psyche that you guys don't even know.  Especially coming on the heels of yesterday's glorious hike.

Once I got home I washed the car, then took Neeps for today's walk, during which ]my mom and I had our latest Mother Daughter Book Re-Reading Club Discussion (Dragonquest, for the curious).  At the end of the day, as I catch up on the blog, I find I am left feeling like maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to find true Balance between Self as Parent, Self as Self.

Fingers crossed!

In Like a Lion

...so this happened overnight.

...a snow lion, that is.

But what the hell- adventure (and Burma Road Trail) await!

A Different Sort of Bachelor Party

Drove down to Smith Rock today with my climbing bros, to kick off Bridge's Bachelor Party.  We're spending the weekend down here, getting our camp-n-climb on.  The weather reports says snow, but we're not afraid: we have puffy jackets!

Dusk Creeps Towards Morning Glory

We got in a handful of solid climbs before it got too dark and rainy- and to tell the truth, I was up on the wall while it was dark and rainy, cleaning the final route of the day.  Thank all gods for hand-warmers and headlamps, that's for sure.  And now?  To whiskey!

Colors of the Night

Had a semi-late-night climbing session with the bros, and afterwards I came across this:

This church has the loveliest noontime bells.

The Importance of Marriage (or Not)

I was hanging out with some dude friends the other day when another dude friend came in.  We’ll call him friend A, and the other two can be B and C.  Anyway, friend A is in the midst of prepping to propose to his girlfriend, and I happened to know that he’d been trying to have The Talk with her dad, but that the two of them kept getting interrupted before he could bring it up.  So as he walked up to us I got all squeaky about the whole process (as is my right as the Token Female), and asked how it had gone, and he caught us up on his progress, and we all gave him a hard time and teased him about Lady A dodging his proposal like her father had been dodging The Talk.  And then friends B and C, who are unmarried, gave friend A a little further grief about getting engaged at all, making reference to their own “perpetual bachelorhood”.

“Oh please,” I said to friend C, rolling my eyes. “You have a life partner.” Because it’s true- he does.  A lovely young woman with whom he plans to spend the rest of his life.

“Yeah but I’m still a bachelor,” he countered, and I had to admit that yes, technically he was- although not by my personal connotation of the word.  Friend A wandered off and I thought about it a little longer while B and C made “marriage isn’t important to commitment” noises.  Finally, during a lull in that conversation, I turned to C and said,

“You know, marriage wasn’t really important to me, either- until it was important to Nathan.”  C sort of raised an eyebrow, and I continued; “I was like, ‘meh, marriage’, but it meant something to him- and that meant something to me.”

“I guess I’m very lucky with Lady C,” he remarked, referring to the fact that marriage is not important to her, either.

“Well yes,” I said.  “But that’s part of the whole point of a life mate: finding someone whose values align with your own.  I was never anti-marriage, tho', so for me getting married to make him happy made me happy.”

This statement caused both C and B to backpedal a little bit and discuss marriage vs weddings, and how sick it is that our society beats into little girls’ heads the whole “happiest day of your life” thing.

“That’s the problem,” I said.  “Too many people confuse the words ‘wedding’ with ‘marriage’.  Don’t get me wrong- I loved my wedding, and I had a lot of fun.  But if your wedding day is really, truly the happiest day of your life- then you are doing it wrong.”

I had to go at that point- because my own life mate turned up- but if I could have continued the conversation I think I would have asked those guys what exactly the word "marriage" means to them.  It’s an important question, I think, and one that not enough people actually give any thought to.  But here’s the secret- marriage is something different to every individual person, and it’s damn important to make sure that your definition bears at least some resemblance to that of the person you’re marrying (/spending the rest of your life with).  Better yet, compromise on a new definition, one that suits the two (or more) of you.  Because according to my definition of marriage, C and Lady C are married.  They’ve made a commitment to being together for the rest of their lives, and they treat one another with love and respect, and so as far as I’m concerned they’re married.  Period.  C can make “bachelor” noises all he wants to, but it looks like a duck, and swims like a duck... etc, etc.  And that is because to me (the only one who actually was legally “married” in that little conversation) marriage really has jack-all to do with a piece of paper.  There are other people who have that piece of paper who are just awful to one another- it seems like they don’t even like one another- and I have a hard time believing they are actually married: but by their definition of the word they must be.  And I can see being actually anti-marriage, if your definition of marriage includes treating one another like crap.  But why would you let anyone else define marriage for you*?  Especially your marriage?

These are probably ducks.  Probably.

I’m definitely anti-plenty-of-other-people’s-marriages, but mine?  Mine is awesome, and I’d recommend this level of happiness to anyone- even if I did have to sign a piece of paper to make it happen.

*After all, there are people who would refuse to recognize my marriage, since Nathan and I don't share a faith.

My Wild Ways

I woke before my alarm this morning, and as I lay there warm and comfy in bed, I pulled out my phone and made out the day's To Do list (it has occurred to me that mayhap there is something a teeny bit off about this sort of behavior, but since I don't actually need to do it to function [most days], I think I'm still on the sane side of neurotic...)  The list consisted primarily of household-related tasks.  Yes, I was committed to a day of, as I put in on Facebook, "exciting household chores!"

I got up and got on that, plowing through such fun activities as picking up the bedroom and vaccuuming the upstairs, cleaning the kitchen, doing dishes, and starting laundry.  I even picked up downstairs!

And then, around 0900, I got the text:

"It looks like a dry-ish day.  I'm going to climb outside- anyone interested?"

It was my climbing bro, KB!  I was a little confused, however:

"Are you... making a joke?  It's like pea soup where I'm at."

KB proceeded to convince me that it was clear skies down in Portland, and since my skies were rapidly clearing as we exchanged texts, I gave my Self a Talking To.

"Self," I said, "we should go climbing."

"Ugh," said Self.  "It is cold outside.  And I have a whole To Do List of things."

"That is lame, Self.  Go do something fun, instead of stuff that makes you feel grumpy and resentful."

"But... indoor-things?  I am mentally prepared for indoor-things.  We made a list of them, and it's what I was expecting to spend the day doing."

"No.  It's sunny outside.  How often does that happen?  Quit being a damn stick-in-the-mud and let your climbing bro rescue you from being Lame."

And so Self caved, and I told KB to come pick me up, all the while feeling like a wild and dangerous woman who was shirking her responsibilities (but not really because hey look at all the stuff I'd already gotten done!) He gave me one last chance to change my mind:

"No pressure, though.  There is a good chance it will be too cold and/or wet and/or shitty."

"It will be awesome.  I'm changing into layers right now."

And do you know what?  We were both right- it was not just cold but fucking cold, and the first route we looked at wasn't just wet but had water actually flowing down it- but it was awesome anyway (in large part, I'm sure, because we did not actually attempt the flowing-water-route).  Especially awesome was that I got to have my first real rappelling experience (I don't count the one during college orientation- I'm pretty sure that wasn't rappelling so much as being lowered via a belay- but it's been ten years so I really don't remember...)

Here is KB setting up for our rappel

We only did one route, but it left us feeling damn good (the parts of us that could still feel, anyway) and we agreed it was a place to come back to once summer comes around.










(You might be be pleased to know that once I got back to the house I continued with my To Do list, and still managed to get most of it done.  And so you see, Self, you can fit in both play with work and be a well-rounded and Highly Satisfied human being.)

Birthday Card in Color

An integral part of the humor of this card is that my buddy has a four-year-old daughter:

(Name redacted to protect the innocent.)

(Aaaaand also the not-so-innocent.)

B&W Birthday Card

One my my climbing bro's birthdays is on Thursday, and as such I have begun making a card for him.  Here is the main illustration:

It is a punchline.  Honest.

I'll add color to it tomorrow, but for now?  Bed.

The Bold Adventures of Dude-Bros and the Lady-Bro

I had a raging headache as I approached the rock gym this afternoon, and the heat was not helping.  But as I pulled up I saw that KB was already there, so I knew that at least I'd have a climbing partner.  We went inside and there was J waiting for us, teasing us about our absences the previous week (I was giving my tweaked back a rest, KB was just super-busy).  I went and changed and started stretching out while the guys geared-up and debated which routes to do first.  The banter was flowing thick and fast, and I gave them sage advice for their respective partners ("Tell her you're totes into her.  Also tell her to chillax.  Chicks love that."), and we were soon laughing like maniacs at our own ::ahem:: 'cleverness'.

"Oh man, I love our merry band of... us," said KB, but I could tell he'd wanted to say "brothers".

"Our band of bros and sis-bro, you mean?"

"Yeah."

I rested back on my elbows while J did a route and KB belayed him, feeling my headache disappear and general good cheer fill me up, and it suddenly occurred to me-

"This is my bar."

"What?" said J, on his way back down.

"Remember back in the day when people would go directly to the bar after work?  Well this is my bar.  This is where I come to hang out with my friends and decompress from work."

"It totally is!" they agreed.

And then I made them admire my fancy sparkly-pink fingernails, and they rolled their eyes but did, because they are good dude-bros, and I am their lady-bro (which, in retrospect, sounds way more awesome than sis-bro).

And so can you!

 (Fellow lady-bros, you know what I'm talking about.)