Tomorrow's To Dos

Back in the mid-80s, when my brother was born, my mother was working full time at a bank.  She saved up all of her sick and vacation days, and managed to get take six whole weeks before she had to go back to work.  Ah, the days before the Family and Medical Leave Act.

Fast forward to 2015, when TLG was born: I was able to patch together short-term disability, sick days, vacation days, and (by the grace of Washington State) unpaid days to give myself four full months off.  Of course, by the final few weeks I was actually paying my company rather than receiving a paycheck (in order to keep my benefits), but for our family the expense was worth it.

Not too long after I returned to work, my company realized that their Parental Leave Policy wasn't exactly in line with their espoused values re: maintaining a work/family balance, and changed it so that primary caregivers get sixteen weeks off- fully paid- to bond with a new child.  At the time I was glad to see them make the change (if a bit rueful that they hadn't done it six months sooner), but now I'm absolutely ecstatic about it, because here I am, reaping the benefits.

Of course, the situation is slightly different this time around; in 2015 I was the Admin Guru, whereas now I'm the Financial Advisor, and therefore have a lot more flexibility with my job (in other words, I can work from home as need be).  So even tho' I technically have four months wherein I'm not required to so much as look at the stock market, because I have a sub in place... realistically I don't have it in me to keep my fingers out of work for that long.

I'm nearly halfway through my third week of Parental Leave, and I've already dipped a toe back in (primarily just checking my email every other day).  I must say, it's nice to be able to do it on my own terms, rather than because I have to.  And honestly, I'm pretty physically/mentally/emotionally wiped out by about 1pm, so I'm not good for anything else just yet, anyway.

Unfortunately, my deeply-rooted psychological desire to Be Useful and Productive doesn't care that I'm still physically/mentally/emotionally recovering from Giving Birth*, and so in an attempt to keep myself sane, I've developed the following Coping Mechanism:

Every night, after writing in my journal, I make a short To Do List for the following day.  Sometimes there's just one item on the List (Saturday: attend nephew's birthday party); today I had eight (one got added after I did something I decided I deserved credit for); but most days it's three-to-four easily-achievable items.  So when I get up in the morning, at my Peak Energy for the day, I can tackle those tasks, and get the satisfaction of checking them off.  And then if I get nothing else done that day, it's okay: because I finished my To Do List!  And if I do get additional items done, well... I add them to the list and check them off and feel ultra accomplished.

I'm not sure how long I'll keep this going- maybe until I hit the six week mark.  Maybe forever?  It really is doing wonders for my mental health, which is especially important right now while I can't get in a good workout.  We'll see.  In the meantime,  I'm going to wrap this entry up, so that I can check off the final item for today:

_X_  Blog

*(and Jerk Brain makes it difficult to accept "keeping infant alive" as An Accomplishment, although obviously it totally is)

Cultivating Artificial Desire

Let's talk about the Insanity that is creating A Registry.

Wish Lists have never been easy for my adult self.  The question, "What do you want for Christmas?" tends to wipe my brain clean so fast it's a wonder I remember what Christmas is.  This probably springs from the use of the word "want".  My mother was very purposeful about instilling in us the difference between the words "need" and "want", along with the corresponding lesson that wants are at all times secondary to needs, and your resources (including time, money, and brain power) should be allocated accordingly.  And, of course, for a long time during my twenties I only had enough resources for one of those categories.  So why bother thinking about the other?  Basically what I'm saying is that I got out of the habit of thinking in terms of wants.

Thus when it came time to register for our wedding I found myself nearly paralyzed with anxiety.

What should we ask for?  We don't really need anything!  But we have to make this thing, everyone says so... okay, what do people normally ask for?  I can ask for some of that.  No, wait- am I being greedy and asking for too much?  Or am I being difficult and not giving people enough options?  Is there enough variety in price??  Oh gods this is stressful...

I hated the whole process- hated it.  Loved getting the gifts, mind you- just hated asking for them.  It was a relief to put the entire process behind me.

And then the time came for me to create The Baby Registry, arguably even more of a Big Deal than the Wedding Registry, since unlike Nathan and myself, Neeps will not enter this union with 28 years of accumulated stuff.  And he actually will have needs.  Like, keeping-him-alive-needs.

So I started researching for the best stuff for my impending dependent, which lead to headache-ing, and anxiety-ing, and then as a way to distract myself from all of that unpleasantness I started to really examine why creating registries is so damn stressful for me.

I came up with a couple of thoughts, but in the end I think what it comes down to is this: making a wish list creates an artificial desire.  See, I'm generally a pretty happy person, content with what I have.  A large part of that contentment springs from not desiring things I don't have (thanks, Mom and the Buddha).  So when you ask me to start thinking about things I want/need, I tend to look around go, "I have my family, my health, a roof over my head and plenty to eat- I'm actually really good, thanks."  But if I have to make a list, due to societal expectations or making it easier of friends/family, or whatever- I will.  I'll do all the eye-crossing research and read the billions of reviews to find the best Thises and Thats for our situation, and I'll compile the Ultimate Wish List, which will include things like a Very Specific Waterproof Stroller Blanket.

Now, let's rewind about a month.  You say, "Jenny O, you do not have a Very Specific Waterproof Stroller Blanket in your life.  Is this in any way having a negative effect on your state of mind?" to which I reply, "What?"  And then when I figure out what we're talking about I say something along the lines of, "Well honestly I've never even considered the existence of waterproof stroller blankets (although now that you mention it, it sounds like a very practical thing to have for a baby born in the pacific northwest at the tail end of autumn) let alone a Very Specific One.  But no- it doesn't bother me that I don't have one, and I don't expect it will bother me if I never receive one.  We'll make due."

Now, however, it's On the List.  I've put time and energy into thinking about a Very Specific Waterproof Stroller Blanket, and now I do want it- which means I am quite likely to be (somewhat understandably) disappointed if I don't get it, because I've managed to convince myself that I need it for my baby.  After all, why would I ask someone to spend resources on something I didn't need?  I wouldn't!

And so you see, I have created in myself an artificial desire, and that way, my friends, lies a lessening of contentment.

However!

Having brought an awareness to the situation- an awareness of why creating a list of "I Want These Things" bothers me so much- has helped to lessen my stress.  Because now I can be very mindful in not thinking about it.  And the less I dwell on my brand new "wants", the less disappointment I will suffer if they don't appear- and the more genuine enjoyment I will have if they do.  Because again- I love getting gifts!  Going to be suuuuuper appreciative of  any-and-everything people give us, whether it's on the registry or not!  Because every single one of those things is an expression of love and a gesture of support for me, for Nathan, and most especially for Neeps.  And that, Gentle Readers, is something I enjoy dwelling on.



(Bonus: if I manage to put the Registry out of my brain it will be like people are miraculous mind-readers who just plucked The Perfect Thing from the aether.  Win-win!)

Like a Boy Scout

It is a well known fact that Lists help the Jenny O feel Calm and In Control (regardless of the actual situation).

mmm, crossing things off...

.

Today is the first day of our vacation, and it's a good thing we'd already decided that this was going to be a very unstructured vacation, because so far very little has going according to our (very loosely defined) plan.  The car is in the shop (and has been there since 0730 on Monday morning), several of the roads we wanted to use are closed for repair, and other roads that are open simply aren't designed for our little commuter car.

So.

We're using today to very calmly clean the house and meticulously pack the car (or, rather, meticulously pile things onto the table to be shuffled into the car in the morning) and try to replan where the hell we're going and what the hell we're doing (other than camping).

One thing's for sure- we'll be together, so it will be fun.

(Or I'll know the reason why.)

Anniversary's Eve...

...and there are a great many things to catch up on before we leave for our little get-away.  I did this doodle at the bottom of my To Do list for tomorrow:

She looks like a woman who Gets Things Done, no?

Words Being Written

You know, I just don't feel like writing today (...and yet...)

So for tonight's entry I will write a list of ten things I do feel like doing.

1. Surfing (always)
2. Dancing (also, pretty much always)
3. Practicing the exciting new things I learned to do with my hoop
4. Finish up the super-secret project I've been working on for the name I drew for the gift exchange
5. Eating some chocolate (hmmm, I can do something about that right now...)
6. Watching another episode of Psych with Nathan
7. Snuggling with Nathan (note to self: combine #s 6 and 7?)
8. Taking a hot shower to combat the non-insulated state of my 1920s apartment
9. Drinking a hot cocoa spiked with Baileys with a few of my best girlfriends
10. Going to see Voyage of the Dawn Treader (this will be done tomorrow for certain)

There. I have written words. There they are. Hot shower time, ninjas...