Bedtime Battles

First of all, I want to share with you what it looks like in my work-space more often than not these days:

The Writer/Artist Mom at Work

(Actually to be completely honest he's more often in his swing, watching me with interest.  But sometimes this happens, and it's pretty damn sweet.)

Anyway.

I promised a follow-up on the whole sleeping-in-separate-rooms thing, and I'm pleased to report that I owe myself five bucks.  By which I mean, I did not end up sleeping in the chair in his room.  Go me!

Here's what I did do:  I did put him to bed in his room, and I did go downstairs to journal and read my book (The Warded Man; Nathan recommended it to me and I'm enjoying the hell out of it.), and I did creep back upstairs to listen in on him (and also psycho-analyze the noises he was making: were they different than normal?  Were there more of them?  Fewer ? What could it all mean??).  After an undisclosed amount of time doing that, I got it together, got ready for bed, got into bed, and then... I did not sleep.  I lay there, staring into the darkness and strongly considering getting one of my stuffed animals out to snuggle with (Nathan doesn't come to bed until the wee hours of the morning, and I needed some comforting).  I tried counting my breaths (usually an extremely effective sleep-aid for me) but then for some reason my brain decided it would be a way better idea to suddenly flash to all the potential monsters that could be inside my son's closet, waiting to loom out over him.

Yes, literally.

So that didn't help with the whole going-to-sleep thing, but I did eventually drop off sometime before midnight, which I know because it was not long after midnight that he woke me for the first time.  I got up and went to him then, and again around 0400, and it all went quite smoothly and well, and while the chair was, in fact, comfortable as hell, I didn't actually let myself drift off while clutching him.  (and for the record, no monsters appeared during either feeding session)

I'm sure tonight will be easier on my heart, and hopefully tomorrow will be easier still, until at last I can drop off to sleep like a normal adult once more.

(...but I might just set up moster-wards, just in case...)