Nautilus Girls

Spent an hour writing an old friend, and found myself coming back around to a recurring theme in my life- that of the nautilus, crafting itself from itself, the new encompassing the old.  Here is a short excerpt from the letter:

"I am interested to hear what breakthroughs you make on contentedness vs. happiness.  I have always been more of the happiness/joy end of the spectrum, but I find myself in this new and interesting position at the moment because happiness/joy is so closely entwined with content/comfort.  I was actually thinking about it as I walked to my car this afternoon, how it was strange to step back and examine the fact that I was super happy to go home and hang out with my kid, when that is so different from anything that would ever have given me fierce joy even three years ago.  I am far more domestic.  And I was wondering if I should be upset by the change- it's like, I know I've been brainwashed by the hormones, but as long as I'm happy, does it matter how I achieved that happiness?  Or do I owe it to my old self to still chase after the old things?  That just seems silly.  But again- if I knew a friend had been chemically brainwashed, would I be like, 'Well hey, as long as the cult makes you happy...'?  Not that I am comparing parenthood to a cult (or am I??) but there's something to the fact that I'm not myself.  Not my old self.  I am a new evolution of self that encompasses my old self, but has also grown in new ways and shed old pieces that are no longer necessary.  And still other pieces are simply in hibernation during this season, and they will come back.

"I find myself often repeating, 'This is a season.' "

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