"I am interested to hear what breakthroughs you
make on contentedness vs. happiness. I have always been more of the
happiness/joy end of the spectrum, but I find myself in this new and
interesting position at the moment because happiness/joy is so closely
entwined with content/comfort. I was actually thinking about it as I
walked to my car this afternoon, how it was strange to step back and
examine the fact that I was super happy to go home and hang out with my kid, when that is so
different from anything that would ever have given me fierce joy even
three years ago. I am far more domestic. And I was wondering if I
should be upset by the change- it's like, I know I've been
brainwashed by the hormones, but as long as I'm happy, does it matter
how I achieved that happiness? Or do I owe it to my old self to still
chase after the old things? That just seems silly. But again- if I
knew a friend had been chemically brainwashed, would I be like, 'Well
hey, as long as the cult makes you happy...'? Not that I am comparing
parenthood to a cult (or am I??) but there's something to the
fact that I'm not myself. Not my old self. I am a new evolution of
self that encompasses my old self, but has also grown in new ways and
shed old pieces that are no longer necessary. And still other pieces
are simply in hibernation during this season, and they will come back.
"I find myself often repeating, 'This is a season.' "
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