Death Gulls to the Rescue!

Okay, this entry really needs an explanation (or possibly an apology-in-advance) before you read it. See, Nathan's up in Aberdeen right now, and for today's shot of people/animals, he elected to take a photo of some of the seagulls. While we were chatting about the seagulls (some of my favorite birds, mind you) he mentioned that they were like deathgulls, because they were just fighting each other over everything. For some reason or another he was prompted to utter the phrase, "Death Gulls to the rescue!" and from there a long conversation ensued regarding the nature of these noble beasts, and what activities they might engage in. Later on he happened to mention that he'd taken a photo of a gull that... well, you'll see. Anway, that's how this silly little story came to be. Because we all need to let off a little Weird sometimes...

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Gather 'round, my children, and hear the tale of Billy Bastion and the Death Gulls.

Billy Bastion was born on a dark and stormy night, amidst peril most foul. His parents, lord and lady to the land, had been betrayed, and their castle was slowly but surely crumbling to their enemies' siege. As the villains hammered upon the door of into the birthing chamber, Billy's mother sent a desperate prayer to her gods, offering up her life in exchange for the protection of her unborn child. A flash of lightning struck with the bargain, and thus was born our hero- and his unbreakable bond with those celestial saviors from beyond the sea, the Death Gulls!

The Death Gulls streaked down from above, killing everyone in their path, until only little Billy remained. Thus assured of his safety, they winged their way once more to parts unknown. Billy himself was found and raised by a healthy young farming couple.

The next time Billy found himself in mortal peril, he was six years old. He had, against his foster parent's orders, wandered too deep into the woods, and come face to face with an enraged bear! Before the creature could eviscerate him, however, winged death swooped to the rescue- yes, the Death Gulls remained loyal to the dying wish of Billy's mother! With their eerie green beams of light they cleared the area of all threats, leaving Billy un-threatened once more.

When Billy was fifteen, he got it into his head to see the world, and set off down the long road to adventure. Unfortunately there were quite a few other adventuresome young men on this road, and a pack of them had banded together as robbers! Our hero might have perished beneath their clubs, had it not been for the eldritch workings of the Death Gulls! As he cleaned the viscera off of himself, Billy decided he had had enough adventure. Anyway, with the money he took off the bandit's corpses, he knew he'd be able to get himself a fine wife. So back to his village he went.

Billy did find himself a fine wife, a young woman by the name of Marigold. And they married in high style, and had a passel of fine children. And one day Billy was out in the fields with the other men of the village, bringing in the harvest, when a snake reared up out of the grass, flashing its venomous fangs! Instantly the sky darkened with a thousand razor-sharp wings, and in a blinding flash of veridian, Billy found himself to be the only living creature for a square mile.

He began to realize that having the protection of the Death Gulls might not be the safest thing for his family.

As such, he decided to exile himself to the wilderness, trusting in the Death Gulls to protect him from peril. And so they did, until the fateful day that Billy Bastion found himself dangling by his fingertips from the edge of a cliff. The Death Gulls arrived, yes- but when they saw Billy's predicament they turned as one to fly away.

"Wait!" cried Billy, "Will you not save me?"

The smallest of the gulls turned back to him and said,

"Sorry dude. Pretty much we only kill stuff."