No excerpt for you!
Not because you haven't been good, mind you- I'm certain you've been lovely. But because I only managed to squeeze out about a thousand words tonight, and they are just embarrassing. Most likely because I'm in the World's Rottenest Mood. Or, I was. I'm still not in the best of moods, but I don't hate the entire world quite so much as I did a few hours ago.
I'm way ahead of the Commercialmas game this year- I've gotten almost everything that needs to be ordered, ordered, and I've almost finished the one hand-made item I'm making. So you'd think that I'd be nice and stress-free regarding the holidays.
Not so.
No, instead I've apparently pushed the stress up by a month. As I said to my mother in a falsely cheerful voice, "Stress early, stress often!" But really it's more like bitterness and irritability.
Last year we made most of our gifts- which stressed Nathan out to no end, so he stated that this year we would be purchasing our gifts (except for the one that I am making for the person-I-drew-from-the-hat). Which I did. And it was easy and convenient and blah blah blah- but it's put me in a horrible mood. I hate that we've spent so much money on gifts (especially for people that we're buying for out of that stupid holiday obligation bs business) and I hate how impersonal it feels.
Don't get me wrong- I don't mind spending money (even what might be considered "a lot of money") on a gift for a person if I know they will genuinely love and enjoy it, if I've picked it out because it is just the right thing for them. Hell, that's what money is for! But I hate spending it on a bunch of crap gifts that you have to buy because if you don't give them something then someone's feelings (not even theirs! someone else!) will get hurt or insulted or whatever, even tho' the recipient would be just as happy not getting a gift at all rather than having to pretend to like whatever crap thing you've picked up to save everyone face. And it can't look "cheap", oh no! Gods forbid. And then women end up with more stupid bath stuff and smelly candles than they know what to do with, and men get whatever the hell men get in that situation. (Ties?) So the whole thing just pisses me off. Can't we all just agree to let go of the obligation aspect? Argh.
I have a friend (two friends, actually- they are a lovely married couple and I miss them sooo much) who just eschews Christmas entirely. Today is one of those days where I would totally get on board with that. Ugh.
I was much happier with last year's gift-giving experience- except the part where it stressed Nathan out so badly. Nathan is much happier with this year's gift-giving experience- except the part where it is stressing me out so badly. We obviously need to find a nice blending of the two.
There are other things upping my Cranky Factor right now, but I don't really want to get into them on here. I don't feel it's far to subject you to more than one soap box at a time. More specifically, I don't feel it's far to make my mother read it all again after having heard me burst into tears over everything earlier today. Sorry mom.
I probably just need snuggling. Sometimes that's all anyone needs:
(Truce)
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