Now, the vast majority of people who may or may not be reading this blog probably don't have any problems whatsoever with my rats. But there are people who do. And this is addressed to them.
When we are at a party and I happen to mention that I have rats, it's totally cool if you want to say something along the lines of, "Ooo, rats. I'm not really down with rats." I mean it would possibly be more polite for you to smile and say, "That's nice," before quickly changing the subject, but it's cool- I get it. Rats are not for everyone. But here's the thing- there is no need for you to go on a long diatribe about how much you are not down with rats. I could quite probably do without the theatrical facial expressions, the repetition of the words "hate" "disgusting" and "bleaugh", and to be frank the pretty dang offensive stories of you having to call the big strong man next door over to discard of the tiny mouse you killed with your stupid trap. And then you made him put it in his garbage can instead of yours, because apparently you're not just skeezed out by rodents, you also fear rodent zombies. I would probably call antics of these sorts "insensitive", to say the least.
It's especially annoying when you act this way even after I've carefully explained that I do not keep New York sewer rats as pets, but rather domesticated fancy rats. Seriously, lady- it's like the difference between a wolf and a particularly good-natured dachshund. Most people would not like to be in the same room with a wolf, no matter how well-behaved. But few of those people would put a dachshund on the same level of Uh-Oh.
And it's not like I'm whipping out pictures of my little darlings, demanding that you admire them- they just came up in passing conversation. Because come on. I cannot tell you how many times I have refrained from using the words "bug-ugly" "disgusting" or "bleaugh" in regards to people's hideous human offspring. And I have never told stories about inhumanely killing them when they stumbled onto my property. So why can't you show me the same consideration when I happen to mention the small creatures in my care? At least mine are cute, well-mannered, and clean.*
Oh wait I lied- admire my thoroughly superior rats!
(Zelda Ratkins)
(Camilla Ratkins)
*Of course this entire paragraph in no way relates to the children of any of the people I know and love... I'm only friends with people who have superior genes, so they necessarily breed superior kids.
It'd be a tad hypocritical for me to agree with you. I don't have an issue with rats myself. Probably wouldn't own any, but I have no beef with them. However, I reserve the right to smack you if you start doing what every other rat owner I've ever known does, which is putting your rats on my shoulder without asking.
ReplyDeleteAlso, if you ever get hampsters I will murder them in public.....Saw style.
...why in Odin's name would I perpetrate cuddle-rape? I don't understand people who want to shove their babies in your arms, either. If I want to hold your baby I'll friggin' ASK. And I assume that if you want anything to do with my (rat)baby YOU'LL ask. Fair? Excellent.
ReplyDelete(And hamsters are freaky. They eat one another and leave poo trails wherever they go. True story.)