Write the opening of a feature profile on yourself in a men's
magazine. Now a business magazine. Now write the first sentence of
your obituary.
1. When I first lay eyes on Jenny O in the sun-warmed flesh, all I can think is, Has she always been this short?
2. Jenny O's handshake is as firm as her smile is bright. "They say bitches get shit done," she says, gesturing for me to sit in one of the sleek leather chairs. "I say efficient bitches get shit done faster. So let's get started, shall we?"
3. Jenny O never let the truth get in the way of a good story.*
*yes, the person who writing my obituary will totally riff off the eulogy I wrote for my grandmother.
Have to admit, all three made me lol! I love the satire in the first one, but it's the business profile one I most want more of -- though come to think of it, I did read one of those about you recently, now didn't I?
ReplyDeleteEhhhhhhh ish. That one was focusing on me a newly-minted Working Mom. I imagined the business magazine above just focusing on me as a multi-billionaire tycoon. Which I will never, ever be, because I'm too lazy by far. ;) For the men's magazine I was sort of playing on the fact that people are always surprised to discover my height- I come off taller than I actually am, so I figured that if I was being interviewed for that sort of thing it would be because I was somehow famous enough that even people who haven't met me would have formed opinions of my size based on the force of my personality. ;)
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