A Long-Winded Rant (You've Been Warned)

Do I have it in me to be creative tonight?

...probably not. Mundane blogging it is!




(insert cricket-noises here)




After watching me stare at the screen for a while, sighing (interspersed with listlessly clicking back to Facebook a few times) Nathan finally said, "Why don't you blog about loving me?" to which I replied, "Don't you think that might make people vomit?"

(Apparently not, gentle readers. He's a hard man.)

I don't know that I care to subject you to an expression of the ridiculous awesomeness of my love for my husband this particular evening, but the suggestion did get me thinking about a recent diatribe of mine regarding the sanctity of marriage.

Oh that's right, I went there.

And no, this is not about whether or not I believe that in the rights of people of the same gender to marry (although I do, which I'm sure comes as a shock to exactly zero of you, considering my libertarian bent). This is about my complete and utter disgust with the lame-ass reasons people get divorced.

You see, people make vows to one another (often including lines such as "for richer or poorer" and "'til death do us part") and then so many of them just... break them. What the hell? Seems to me that a more accurate promise would be, "'til death, inconvenience, or more likely boredom do us part".

Part of what brought this on (there have been three separate yet thematically related rants over the past three days) was watching an episode of Bones with Nate. In said episode, a character discovers her husband has a pony-play fetish (WARNING: I am linking to this for those who can't figure it out on their own, but I am warning you that a) it's definitely NSFW and b) you may very well be traumatized and c) if you're my mom and you click on this you must never, never tell me), and moreover that he has been unfaithful while indulging in said fetish. The character tells a federal agent that when she walked in on this she immediately went to a lawyer and drew up papers for divorce.

And I was so outraged. I mean, don't get me wrong- it's a horrible thing to find out your spouse is being unfaithful to you, especially in the context of a fetish you obviously don't share- but how crappy was your relationship with your spouse that you don't even talk to them before serving them divorce papers? That seems a little extreme to me. (Also, can I just say how sad it is that you married a person you can't be honest with you about your sexual preferences? Exceptionally sad.) But maybe I just have a weird idea about what marriage is. To me part of getting married (and I did actually specify this in our vows) is being more devoted to the marriage itself than to your individual selves. Committed to the partnership, for better or worse. Otherwise why bother with the hassle of getting married? Seriously. (And don't get me started on my beliefs regarding civil vs. religious marriages... that is a very long blog in and of itself...)

(Just FYI, I do not believe in trying to talk to someone about why they feel the need to beat you or your children- in that case just get on wit'cha divorcin' self...)

The second thing that prompted a rant was a friend of mine who brought up the whole "in sickness and health" thing. Apparently someone in his family has decided that part of the vow didn't really count, and has abandoned their very old and sick spouse.

What. The. Hell.

I mean, do people not take that kind of thing into consideration before they get married? I did, damn it! But maybe that's because in my job I see a lot of elderly people, and I see what happens to them- and I see their spouses caring for them- or not. And I saw my mom having to care for my dad, and he was only forty. But how could you just... abandon your spouse when they need you the most? Ugh.

The most recent rant was prompted by a discussion with my mother in which she remarked sadly that so many of the people who have gotten back in touch with her on Facebook are no longer with the spouse they were with when she knew them twenty years ago. Many of the men have apparently traded in for a "newer model", as it were.

Seriously- why do most people even bother getting married? Especially in this day and age, when there is literally no social reason to do so.

So there's all of that. I feel the need to bring this back to an up-note, because there are good marriages in the world, and I have been lucky enough to witness several. The interesting thing is that they are all different- and to be honest some of them would probably be horrified by what marriage means to the others. But I think that's part of what makes them so good, you know? These are people who really thought about what marriage meant to them and to their potential spouse, and then built their marriage based on that, rather than getting married because it's the "next logical step", or for a piece of jewelry, or some malarky like that.

In conclusion, ladies and gentlemen, I love my husband and he is awesome, and I hope you feel the same about your partner, and would never consider leaving with them just because they got old, or sick, or maybe like lumps of sugar a little too much.

(unless, of course, you wrote those things in as deal-breakers into your prenup, in which case all bets are off...)