The Point of No (Movie) Return

Have you ever noticed that there's kind of a statute of limitations on certain movies? Like, you really need to see them a) when they first come out, or b) (and this may be preferable) before you hit puberty- otherwise you're just pretty much going to not effing get it when people get all rapturous about how awesome "that movie" is.

I have run into this phenomenon with several of my friends and relations in conjunction with a handful of my favorite childhood movies- you know, 80's fantasy classics such as Labyrinth, Dark Crystal, etc. (This is also a recurring problem with the original Star Wars. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. How many times have you had to argue with someone that it doesn't matter what the acting is or is not like in those movies- Han Solo is a bad-ass and what more could you possibly need??)

So anyway, I have another movie to add to that list, and that movie, ladies and gentlemen, is that staple of musicals, Grease.

I have spent my entire life hearing people sing those songs. Hell, I have even performed a few, myself, in choir. I have had both men and women tell me how great that movie is, how much they love it, etc, etc. And even tho, through the magic of cultural osmosis, I had a pretty good idea what the movie was about (girl gets a makeover to get the guy, in spite of the fact that he supposedly fell in love with her the way she was in the first place), I had never actually seen it for myself. And I'll admit- I was a little curious.

Oh gentle readers, I should have known better. I really should have known better.

I should have, and yet...

At the ripe old age of just-shy-of-twenty-nine, I went along gamely enough when Nathan suggested it this afternoon. (In his defense, I'm pretty sure he wanted me to know just what, exactly, I was missing. In a cultural sense. Because he's giving that way.) So we popped it in, and I must say-

That movie sucked.

It was so bad! On so many levels that I can't even begin to approach it! But what surprised me the most, I think, was the fact that Danny does his own little makeover that no one had ever, ever mentioned to me! Not once! How is it possible that everyone had made such a big deal out of Sandy getting all slutty (which she doesn't even do until the last scene, by the way) and not mention Danny's ridiculous letter-man jacket? I don't know, I just don't... At one point I said to Nathan "Rizzo's the most interesting character in this movie," to which he replied, "That's because she's the only one that actually has any character development." Which of course set my brain down the "What if..."s of that little story. But we'll save that for another day...

I am glad that I saw it, so that I have a better understanding of what people are talking about, but man-

It really was ridiculous.




(PS Nathan was reading this over my shoulder and he muttered, "It was even worse than I remembered...")