|just a couple of old married ladies!|
(feel free to imagine your own amusing interjections from the audience- they were a mouthy bunch ;)
So here's the thing about this speech- I've been working on it for months. You can ask Katie- every week or two she'd get a text that was mostly expletives, and generally concluded with, "I'm never going to be able to write this thing!" And the reason why, is that every time I started to wax poetic about the beauty of our decades-spanning love, I kept tearing up like a ginormous baby. And as much as I like to joke that I was just going to come up here, sob for five minutes, and then sit down, that's not really the speech I want to give. So I realized that if I want to get through this thing without getting all blotchy and mucous-y, I 'd better address it to Kevin.Kevin. Man. First of all, I have a confession to make: back in the early days of your relationship with Katie, I told her she should break up with you. It's true: I did. But not because I didn't like you- actually I liked you quite a bit, I thought you were awesome- but I didn't think she was ready for you yet, so I advised her to stop seeing you for a while, until she was ready.
Good thing she didn't listen to me, right?
That last bit is actually pretty important in this particular moment, because it means that Kevin will understand exactly what I'm saying when I tell him that Katie is my soul's sister. And now that you've married her, you've become my brother, and you will never, ever get away from that. And I know that sounds like a threat, but it's a promise, really. A promise to love you and look out for you forever and ever, because that's what you've promised to my Katie. That's what she's promised to you. You're lifemates, now, and I not only wish nothing but the best for you, I'm willing to go to the mat to help you fight for it.
So here's to Kevin, the clever, lucky bastard that captured my best friend's heart! And here's to Katie, the clever, lucky girl who let her heart be captured! But most of all, most importantly, here's to the both of you, and to your long and happy marriage! I love you both so much.