Hope

Hope manifests itself in weird ways, sometimes.

take, for instance, a pile of fingernail clippings

As they were discharging me from the hospital two weeks ago, they gave me a lot of Very Firm Instructions about what sorts of activities I Could and Could Not Get Up To.  Long story short, between that, the miscarriage, and traveling, I have not been on a climbing wall in over a month.  The upside to this is that I have grown a truly lovely set of nails.  The downside to this is... a certain lack of inner peace.

I was supposed to have a doctor's appointment this past Friday, during which I hoped to be cleared for normal activities (ie, climbing and hiking and All Good Things), but they called the Wednesday before and rescheduled it to today.  So this morning I woke up, did my yoga, and then very hopefully trimmed all my lovely nails down to the near-quick.  Just in case.

Of course, it wasn't just climbing I was hopeful about.  I was also hoping I might get some Answers about the miscarriage.  Those (if they exist) are unfortunately still pending.

But I did get back on the wall.

It was bittersweet.  After a month away I have no endurance, no calluses, and very little strength.  And then some climbing acquaintances came in with their baby, which was painful in a very particular way.  But I did get to move and flow on the wall, and I know it will get better.

I hope it will get better.