Outside:  I'm so sorry this happened...

Inside: ...unless you're not.  Either way, let's get drinks.


Outside: I know a card doesn't really help at a time like this...

Inside: ...just consider it a tangible token of my futile desire to provide comfort in a crap situation.


Outside: Congratulations!

Inside: Dibs on your old clothes.


Outside: You lucky bastard.

Inside: (And I mean that in the most sucking-up way possible.)

(create a greeting card for a divorce/lost pet/gender reassignment surgery/winning the lottery)

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